Dr. Wendy Dearborne Choice Expert & Holistic Life Coach

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                                                                By Olivia Lashley

I think we form an emotion attachment, or detachment to the word NO during our formative years when we were taught, or shown, which behaviours are considered socially acceptable.

In most cases we were instructed that yes was good, and NO was bad, and when we were told NO, it probably meant we had done something that other people considered wrong.

Those unfortunate children whose parents or guardians imposed mental, physical or psychologically punishments for wrong doings, were simultaneously taught that the word NO! could hurt them on many different levels.

If, at any stage whilst growing up we did something that WE considered acceptable, and then someone influential came along and told us our actions were wrong, unacceptable, or disappointing, it may have instilled in us a sense of unfairness linked to the word NO. Thus, seeds of self doubt were planted somewhere in the back of our minds that linked injustices to the word NO.

It may also have highlighted a realisation that leaned toward not having much control over our life, and on a subconscious level placed doubts regarding our ability to show good judgement over our own decision making processes. The unfairness may also have had a knock on effect that decreased our self worth, because subconsciously, we began to believe that our ability to make correct decisions should be based on somebody else's interpretation of what was right for us.

Now a multitude of the NO's that we hear as children are said for excellent reasons, but, as children, (even when we are given an accompanying rational explanation) there can still be a sense of injustice. And it is that sense of injustice that works on the subconscious mind into pre-teens and beyond.

When we take all of the above into consideration, it is not surprising that just the thought of saying NO! can instantly cause us to feel confused. Many adults still find NO to be one of the hardest words to say.

When was the last time you heard your self saying, YES, when inside you were screaming, “NO! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!”

The most common reasons is, NOT WANTING TO FEEL GUILTY. The dictionary definition of Guilt is “a self-reproach for supposedly being inadequate, or for doing something wrong.” In this instance, guilt is a double edged sword, because we feel guilty for saying NO, but also, on a subconscious level, we feel guilty for saying yes when we really want to say “NO!”, BECAUSE it validates what we are still incapable of making the decisions that serve us best.

To say NO!, is a right of passage. We know when something feels right to us...when we listen to our internal dialogue. Any person who constantly disrespects your choice to say NO!, is not serving a positive purpose in your life.

Realise that you are the one person that knows you best; therefore you know what is best for you.

The solution: TRUST yourself.

Contact Olivia@itsmylifemychoice.com